Drugs and Meditation – States of Mental Awareness

—My Personal Meditation Story, Part Six—
Go to Part One of— Beginning Meditation – My Meditation Story

The Principle of Freedom
I spent most of the last post rationalizing what was a very simple and easy move back in the mid 70’s. I just said “Yes” instead of “No” to drugs. Some of my best friends had already dabbled in them and were fine. My beliefs and perspective were the only things I felt were at risk.

The early to mid 70’s were not the same as the 60’s and yet I was very much aware of the cultural aftermath. The 60’s triggered something important in mass consciousness. Everyone on the planet got a sort of wake-up call along the line of principles—in particular the principle of freedom.

Discovering New Truths
I began to rebel against my Father’s authority which had been oppressive. I moved out of the house and into my own apartment at this time and that was certainly a big deal. It was easier to experiment with drugs in the privacy of my own apartment. I could relax and ponder deeply.

There are all sorts of meditation practices—sitting, walking—you name it. Meditation is more about attentiveness to the moment—clarity and awareness. In an effort to retain more and more of what has been grasped in meditation, the bridge to events and circumstances in one’s life grows and strengthens. One seeks to act on the newly discovered truths.

Life is Not a Fact
This is the fundamental difference between scholars and those who actually meditate. One is intellectual while the other is profound and personal. Life is not a fact. It is an experience. At this time in my life mediation had become something I did in conjunction with an altered state brought about by drugs.

I honestly believe that the altered state is what is important. How one gets there is not as important. This is not a recommendation that anyone wanting to meditate should spend time doing drugs. Getting out of the box is what is important. There are many ways to “vision quest” or otherwise get back in touch with the fundamentals of reality.

Get Out of the Mental Box
Altered states of consciousness were instrumental for me in wiping out many long held assumptions. I remember laughing so hard at cars. Look at them. They are hilarious. Little metal boxes we all move around in. It’s absurd. A trip is to a place—somewhere new—somewhere different. Once in the new place a perspective is gained about the old place.

Carlos Castaneda introduced us to a sorcerer named Don Juan back in 1968 with “The Teachings of Don Juan”. He went on to write many great accounts of his experiences with this Yaqui shaman. Carlos writes about Peyote being used for awareness-expanding purposes. There are many accounts of similar practices especially in indigenous cultures.

Laughing at Ourselves
What happened to me was deep and profound. I suppose the great amounts of laughter that accompanied these trips is related in nature to the humor that surrounds Zen Buddhism. When the veil is lifted on our clamoring misconceptions we laugh. We laugh at ourselves. We laugh at how ridiculous our identities can become.

I would return to drugs from time to time over the next thirty years. Eventually it became obvious that I was through with them. I had got what I needed. Did I lose a few synapses? Perhaps I did. I have no regrets. It’s a trade that I am comfortable with—synapses for a little push towards mental freedom.

Continue with My Meditation Story, Part Seven

Drugs and Meditation – Free to Experience Inner Wisdom

—My Personal Meditation Story, Part Five—
Go to Part One of— Beginning Meditation – My Meditation Story

• ”Turn on, Tune in, Drop out.” — Timothy Leary

Discovering Freedom and Wisdom
Inner work is cumulative. Shifts in awareness happen both gradually and spontaneously. Something can click into place and trigger an explosion of clarity and wisdom. This is what meditation leads to. Clarity is not limited to the time we spend sitting still. We retain it and develop bridges that link our inner experiences with the world of energy and dimension. We grow wiser through meditation.

It is impossible to anticipate what will open up next. One moment you are going about your business and the next moment you are overwhelmed with new awareness. Again, it happens both gradually AND explosively. Dwelling within (looking inward) inevitably leads to a deeper experience of life.

Drugs and Altered States of Consciousness
There was a study done in New York City years ago on growth spurts in children. A researcher would travel around and measure the heads of children on a daily basis. The study showed that the craniums of these kids would actually expand overnight.

I have three children. I witnessed this myself. I noticed that their growth spurts were often accompanied by a fever. It was if they had to enter an altered state in order to manage the process of expanding. This brings me to a difficult subject, and that is the subject of drugs.

”Hey Mikey” – What about Drugs?
Let us define what a drug is. A drug is some part of this earth that when ingested either temporarily or permanently alters your experience. My wife read an article to me the other day about a drug that is on the market that will permanently wipe out a person’s sense of taste and smell. It is for something like a runny nose or something.

I am remembering the commercial for breakfast cereal where two young kids have “Mikey” taste the cereal first to see if it is okay. If he likes it, they go ahead and eat theirs. This is the process by which we must have identified food—this and dreams. What else is there? If the primitive version of Mikey drops dead after eating the fruit from some plant then the rest of the tribe quickly adapts.

Declaring Independence and Freedom
Who decides which drugs or foods are safe and okay—The American Medical Association? We are free to do whatever we want. With this freedom comes responsibility. The modern “Mikey” is alive in organizations like the AMA and the WHO (World Health Organization). This works for those who would prefer to function less independently.

Me? I’m about independence. I have to find out for myself. It doesn’t mean I don’t pay attention to what other people are doing. Why reinvent the wheel? On the other hand, something may work for me that failed for others. It is a hard call. When I was in college I experimented with both marijuana and LSD. In short, it blew my mind wide open. This was a good thing. I was being set free.

Continue with My Meditation Story, Part Six

Meditating Deeply in the Simple Joy of Awareness

—My Personal Meditation Story, Part Four—
Go to Part One of— Beginning Meditation – My Meditation Story

• Washing windows can clear everything up, outside and in an inner way.

Each Moment is Deeply New
One cannot have a repeat performance of anything. Life never repeats itself. Life IS cyclic— birth and death— the seasons, etc. Spring comes every year and yet not one is exactly the same. We may enjoy this moment and so try to have another one just like it but it is not in the cards. Because of the attachment we develop we fail to pay attention in the moment.

If we paid more attention to each moment and lived it without expectation we would not make the same mistake over and over again. It is THIS problem that inspires the phrase “history repeats itself”. Life never repeats itself— but human beings certainly try creating many more problems as a consequence.

Haunted by the Joy in Success
I must have leaned against that theater wall ten to twenty more times before it dawned on me that I was trying to recreate the past. What I needed to do was simply approach it in a new and fresh perspective. This seemed impossible as I was haunted by my previous success.

If you want to get to the core of something—an apple, for example—you can do it from anywhere on the surface as long as you are aiming toward its center. I needed to trust that my overall intention to get to the heart of things was going to be enough. I needed to sit and meditate—that’s all.

My previous success had become the obstacle. A series of successful experiences over time informs us on a feeling level of where it is that we are bent on going. Approached from a variety of angles brings a familiarity with the inner landscape. Not knowing this, I was troubled.

Simply Washing the Windows
I started reading more in the hopes that this would trigger something. Honestly, I finally dropped the whole idea and went on with my life. As a student I found employment washing dishes. There was this beautiful Victorian building in the heart of the college theater district that was turned into a Faculty Lounge. This is where I worked in between classes.

One Summer I had been asked to wash the outside windows of this building. It was a hot day and I was sweating and washing windows when BAM! Something hit me hard—something wild and strange. It is hard to describe. I will do my best. Apparently all the effort I was making to meditate suddenly paid off.

Inner, Deeply, Within
With all of the inner focus I had somehow opened up a line of communication for greater awareness. It overcame me like a chill. So many things SUDDENLY made sense. I realized that there was a whole invisible world behind our world— that nothing was as simple as it seemed on the surface.

There was light. There as a great deal of light— and I don’t mean the sunlight although it was a part of it. There was clarity and it all happened instantaneously. One moment I was simply washing windows (what a metaphor) and the next moment some kind of dawning. I got a serious wake up jolt. This happened as a result of having spent so much time focused inward—meditation.

Continue with My Meditation Story, Part Five

Sitting Meditation Experiences – Simply Being Aware

—My Personal Meditation Story, Part Three—
Go to Part One of Beginning Meditation – My Meditation Story

• Yeah ”all the world’s a stage” but I just want to meditate.

Far From Lotus Position
It was Detroit, Michigan at Wayne State University downtown. I wish I could remember the name of the building. It was a classic. On the third or fourth floor by way of stairs there was a strange gymnasium like room that was large enough to hold rehearsals for whatever play it was we were doing. It was in this room that I had my first brush with what I now know to be true meditation.

There was a stage at one end of the room and oddly enough this is not where the rehearsing was going on. This stage had the classic proscenium arch around it which is basically the frame. I was leaning against one side of the frame. I still cannot nor do I bother to force my way into what they call “lotus position”. I just cross my legs—simple as that.

Losing Track of Self-Awareness
I don’t know how long I had sat there, but one of the things I was experimenting with is simply becoming part of the wall I was leaning against. I was playing with the idea of simply not existing—just being part of the whole without any real sense of identity of my own. The voices of fellow students had faded into a dull echo rather than the usual annoying chatter.

It happened. It was very subtle but it indeed happened. Looking back from where I am now in terms of meditation, it was so simple—but it was significant enough for me to recognize a small value in this new practice. I think now of how many start meditating and simply give up as there appears to be no real reason to continue. I lost track of myself.

Independent of Time and Space
This probably sounds like a bad thing—losing myself. It was not that I wasn’t aware. I was more aware because the “me” stuff that is ordinarily so dominant had drifted into the background. I really felt as if I was part of the wall. My body had relaxed enough to allow for this feeling of not knowing where I started or stopped. This is important. Relaxation is very important.

I remember this moment. I remember it very well. It is easy to remember because it in some way exists independent of time. It is as if I had carved out a certain level of peace for myself in a place that I now return to all of the time. It exists out of time and out of space.

A Real Taste of Meditation
This experience happened after weeks or months of really trying to get somewhere with this new meditation thing. It was a secret I had. I looked around at all of my fellow students. There they were—all caught up in whatever. By contrast here I was practically absent.

This was my first real taste of the benefits of meditation. My commitment would come and go over the years to come, but I had experience enough of something to bring me back to it again and again. The next time I had the opportunity to lean against that same wall, I did eagerly. There I was trying to have a repeat performance. It doesn’t work that way.

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” —Heraclitus

Continue with My Meditation Story, Part Four

Sitting Meditation – Natural Zazen, Inner Practice

—My Personal Meditation Story, Part Two—
Go to Part One of— Beginning Meditation – My Meditation Story

• I’m feeling stupid just sitting still. How long can I do this?

Feeling Stupid, Just Sitting
When I first started meditating it felt pretty stupid to just be sitting still. Not only did it feel stupid to me, but it felt stupid to be sitting still like that where anyone could see me. I did not have a great deal of privacy at home, and it was not long before the mocking from my siblings started.

I still lived with my parents while an undergrad. I have three brothers and a sister who would not let something as seemingly pretentious as meditation go by without sufficient ridicule. After a while I got used to it and they got tired of making fun of me.

Sitting Meditation is Boring
I soon learned that my brothers and sisters were not the real problem. Meditation was boring. As soon as the new idea became an old idea the excitement around it was gone. I had other things to do when I was at home. I had friends to go and hang out with.

My friends were not interested in meditation. My girlfriend was to some degree. Meditation, it turns out, is a very personal thing. It is for me even to this day. I know there are many places you can go to meditate in a group. I don’t really get that at all.

Naturally Sitting in Zazen
So I stopped meditating at home because it was boring. It turns out that my most successful meditation experiences took place in the middle of college classes. The reason for this is that these classes were so boring that by contrast meditation seemed exciting.

I had basically trained myself to meditate when I would otherwise just be waiting around. I was a theater major and would be cast in very small roles during my first few years of college. While every other scene was being practiced I was just waiting around so I meditated instead.

The Inner Practice of Watching Thoughts
So many things are projected onto you while you meditate in public. You can feel the thought forms being slung around in addition to all the thoughts swimming around in your own head. “What will people think of me?” “I am so cool because I meditate.”

So many thoughts and so little peace of mind— this is the case for a beginner. It is very discouraging. What am I looking for? It is obvious that this is going to take some time. Enlightenment it seems is going to take longer than a couple of weeks.

Continue with My Meditation Story, Part Three

Meditating by Sitting – Awareness of Thoughts

—My Personal Meditation Story, Part One—

This is my story of learning to meditate. It is ongoing, as I have been meditating for thirty years. I believe this is the first of seventeen parts (so far). It is in-depth, obviously. It covers years of learning various lessons in mindfulness and sensitivity. I also tell a shorter version of the story of how I meditate in a meditation interview.

Learning to Still Thoughts
I started meditating back in 1982. I am so much better off for having started this practice. I am healthier because I do not carry tension around in my body. I process everything more readily. I am more alive because my mind is no longer a traffic jam of endless (and often useless) thoughts.

I am more grounded because I am far less reactive to “things” in my life. It is not that I am uninvolved or oblivious as far as my surroundings are concerned. They just don’t trigger me the way that they used to. Also, I am more loving because through meditation I am in perpetual contact with the undeniable fact that we are all in this together— that “we” are all one.

Materials on Meditation
I began meditating back in the 1980’s when in college. I was reading “The Way of Zen” by Alan Watts. My girlfriend had given me the book and I was fascinated by it. I think in the same year I went on to read “Autobiography of a Yogi” by Paramahansa Yogananda.

These two books were inspirational and I became quite excited about the potential of reaching new heights of awareness. It was clear to me even then that I had come across an approach to life that would connect me more to my true self. Though I was already considerably reflective this new material promised to deepen this, and yet more importantly bring greater meaning into my life.

Sitting in Silent Awareness
Of course I had no idea what I was getting into really. The way I understood it, if one could just sit still long enough, the miracles of enlightenment would simply descend and reveal themselves. To a great extent, this is absolutely true. So I started sitting— and sitting— and sitting.

Continue with My Meditation Story, Part Two.

How to Do Meditation – Practice by Just Sitting Still

—Beginning to Meditate, Part One—

Starting Meditation Practice
Embarking on meditation can be intimidating. Whether it is to simply relax a bit more, or to become (sound the trumpets) enlightened, getting started can be daunting for how much curiosity there is around it. So, to begin with, just to take the pressure off, know this— no-one is adept at meditation. This may seem like an absurd statement, for there are millions of people who meditate— who have been meditating for years. I started meditating when I was in college, and that was thirty years ago.

The truth is that no-one is a master at meditation. No-one knows how to mediate. If they believe they know how, then they are not truly meditating. I have two quotes to share that recognize this truth.

“Self-knowledge is not a thing to be accumulated; it is to be discovered from moment to moment, and to discover there cannot be accumulation.” —J. Krishnamurti – As One Is

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” —Shunryu Suzuki – Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind

The point of meditation is to reach a point where there is no particular point in meditating— which brings a freshness, an innocence and a sense of wonder. This innocence arises out of being washed clean, and being able to see life through the eyes of a child, able to appreciate once again its beauty and simplicity as well as the quality of wholeness, oneness, fullness, richness. Okay, enough with the nesses.

Getting Started Meditating
Obviously, all these people do something regularly that they call meditation. They may sit, or walk, or knit or whatever. There are many ways to meditate. I enjoy sitting still. I sit with my legs crossed in a similar manner to what is depicted in so many photographs—something akin to the lotus position.

This is what works for me. So, even though I do not know how to meditate, I DO know what position works consistently. So there is a paradox at work here— I know how to meditate, or get started meditating, but when it comes to the actual meditation, I deliberately come up empty-handed.

This brings us to another issue, and that is of intention. Meditation, for me, involves the struggle to not struggle. How can one stop struggling if one has to struggle to stop struggling? It is because meditation involves finding what is in common between opposites and letting both go— allowing one to exist in a space where nothing is in conflict with anything else— or, to coin a word—oneness.

Yes, it can happen. It works, and it is a beautiful space. This is why people continue to do it. If it were just sitting still for hours without any real peace, then it would not be such a big deal to so many people.

To Meditate – Just Sitting
For those starting out, it is enough just to sit still for the allotted period of time. There are so many thoughts that will pass through the mind and attempt to trigger you into going about all the many things that are more pressing, like the dishes, the laundry, etc. and on and on forever. Let’s be honest. It never stops. The only way to stop is to disarm these triggers and sit still.

The excuses will come, one after another, outlining the absurdity of your sitting doing nothing. The mind does not want you sit still, because if you sit still long enough it will cease to be the boss. You instead will become your own person, truly independent of all the mental traffic. Krishnamurti said it over and over again that his objective was to free man unconditionally.

Continue with Beginning to Meditate, Part Two.

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Beginning to Meditate – Meditation Can Free You

—Beginning to Meditate, Part Two—
Go to Learning How to Meditate, Part One

Just Beginning to Meditate
The place to start is with just managing to sit still for a half an hour. A half an hour is a long time to evade the traffic of the mind, ever telling you to do something different. It sounds easy. We find so many ways to distract ourselves from potential silence—music, television, radio—the list goes on. Actually sitting still will bring up all the things that you have been evading, avoiding, denying.

One of the problems with meditation is that it challenges to see it all for yourself up close and personally, which ultimately leads to great personal growth and development. You can reinvent yourself utterly, see life anew and with excitement and wonder. You must only pay the price of admission, which is to witness all that you have stuffed down, one episode at a time.

Beginning to Still Thoughts
I personally have let go of SO much that was haunting me, holding me back, torturing me. There are nightmares of thought-trains ready to send you into habitual spirals of “what is wrong with you” and all the rest—internalized voices from the ogres from your past. Imagine being free of this. I have been meditating for thirty years and just the other day I unearthed a memory with my Father on his deathbed—a memory that was just lying there in my subconscious— absolutely effecting my day to day.

Just that extra bit of tension driven by something that happened years ago—life I had not fully live, could not live in the moment it happened—wasn’t really there for and aching inside me—hoping for the chance to be felt in its entirety and released. It is gone now. My meditation is free to go even deeper.

Meditation is Healing
Once again, if you are just beginning, or tried once and got discouraged or fed up from sitting still, my advice is to try again and again. The return is immeasurable. Chronic illnesses can utterly disappear. There is an increase in the ability to breathe deeply. There is a restfulness that follows your throughout the day.

The more you do it, the more you take with you as you move into all the different areas of your life. One feels a stronger presence of mind and not as much of a short fuse in terms or reacting to others and all of their stuff. The freedom that comes is the freedom to remain grounded and centered in the face of what once sent you reeling. This makes life easier on you and on others. Be good to yourself.

You might be interested in reading a few interviews with people who meditate